What is family and domestic violence?
“Family and domestic violence is any violent, threatening, coercive or controlling behaviour that occurs in current or past family, domestic or intimate relationships. This includes not only physical injury but direct or indirect threats, sexual assault, emotional and psychological torment, economic control, damage to property, social isolation and any behaviour which causes a person to live in fear.” (DHHS, 2018). Domestic violence does not take the form of a single incident. It is ongoing behaviour that gradually undermines the victim’s confidence and ability to leave the violent person. The severity and frequency of violence often escalate over time. This violence takes many forms, none of which is mutually exclusive (DVRCV, 2020).”
What is sexual assault?
“Sexual assault is any unwanted sexual behaviour that makes a person feel uncomfortable, threatened or scared. The term covers crimes such as rape, child sexual abuse, indecent assault and inappropriate touching.” (ReachOut, 2020)
What is child sexual abuse?
"Child sexual abuse happens when an adult, adolescent or child uses their power or authority to involve a child in sexual activity. Sexual abuse isn't always sex - it can also include a range of sexual behaviours that can be physical, verbal or emotional" (BlueKnotFoundation, 2020).
*Please note that it is every individual's responsibility to report suspected or known cases of child abuse - parents, communities, schools, businesses all need to play a role
Why don’t people experiencing abuse just leave or get help?
Seeking support when you have experienced abuse of any kind can be particularly difficult, however for survivors of family and domestic violence or sexual assault it can almost be seen as a taboo and at most times seem impossible.
Contrary to popular belief an individual experiencing family and domestic violence or sexual assault, may not be able to just simply "leave" the situation. For many experiencing this type of abuse, it continues once they leave, which is why it is important to seek support in order to end the cycle of abuse and for individuals to be better informed on how to help those who may be suffering. There can be many reasons why a person experiencing this type of abuse cannot leave or seek support, including threats, fear of escalated and more severe abuse, lack of belief when the victim has tried to disclose, manipulation, protecting a child or unborn baby, cultural pressures, stigma surrounding support services and lack of information.
Often those who have experienced family and domestic violence or sexual assault can be made out to feel responsible for their own abuse and through behaviours of the perpetrator be manipulated in various ways that restrict an individual’s ability to seek support or feel safe enough to 'leave' or seek help in relation to their situation. ‘Gaslighting’ is a common psychological tactic used by perpetrators to make their victims question their sanity and severity of their situation, often making it harder for those experiencing family and domestic violence or sexual assault to seek help.
All of these reasons are why seeking support is so challenging and why it is important for individuals to act as an informed support for victims of abuse.
What does a perpetrator look like?
Perpetrators of abuse look like regular everyday people. They can be of any gender, age, race, religion and ability. The majority of perpetrators of domestic and family violence and sexual assault are male, however, this does not mean that abuse does not happen outside of this gender.
Sadly, statistics show that family and domestic violence is often perpetrated by individuals whom the survivor already knows. Additionally, perpetrators are often placed in high regards with their internal and external networks, and are skilled at masking their abusive natures. This does further harm to the victim as it lessens their credibility, damages their self-esteem and makes it easier for the survivors' claims of abuse to be dismissed.
AUSTRALIAN STATISTICS SHOW:
• On average, one woman a week is murdered by her current or former partner
• 1 in 4 women have experienced emotional abuse by a current or former partner since the age of 15
• 1 in 5 women have experienced sexual violence since the age of 15
• 85% of Australian women have been sexually harassed
• Almost 40% of women continued to experience violence from their partner while temporarily separated
• Intimate partner violence is a leading contributor to illness, disability and premature death for women aged 18-44.
• 1 in 6 women experienced abuse before the age of fifteen.
• Indigenous women are 32x more likely to be hospitalised due to family violence than non-indigenous women
• 92% of women who identify as LGBTQIA+ have experienced sexual harassment in their lifetime
• 9 out of 10 women with a disability have been sexually harassed.
IMPACTS:
• Domestic and family violence is the leading cause of homelessness for women and their children.
• Australian police deal with domestic violence every two minutes.
• Violence against women in the workplace impacts on the organisational climate and employees’ sense of wellbeing.
ATTITUDES AND EDUCATION:
• 1 in 4 young people think it’s pretty normal for guys to pressure girls into sex.
• 1 in 3 young people don’t think controlling someone is a form of violence.
• 1 in 4 young people don’t think it’s serious when guys insult or verbally harass girls in the street.
• 1 in 2 employees surveyed by White Ribbon consider it acceptable to tell a sexist joke in the workplace.
• Only 20% of employees surveyed by White Ribbon would feel very confident knowing how to help a work colleague experiencing violence outside work.
• In 69% of cases, witnesses to workplace sexual harassment did not try to intervene.
How do I know if I am being abused?
It can be frightening to confront yourself with the question of if what you are experiencing is abuse. However, these beginning stages of self-reflection and trying to identify warning signs, is an essential stepping stone to beginning the healing process.
Understandably, leaving a relationship or removing yourself away from someone who you are close to and dependant upon is scary and can cause anxiety. However, if you are finding yourself becoming frightened of upsetting this individual or are changing your routine in order to keep them from escalating certain behaviours these might be indicators that you are experiencing abuse.
These quizzes below are designed by the Domestic Violence Resource Centre of Victoria and can support you to identify behaviours that may indicate whether or not what you are experiencing is abuse.
Legalities and Safety
Every individual has a right to feel safe and be able to live free from abuse.
If you are experiencing family and domestic violence or sexual assault, the police can help you lay criminal charges and file an intervention order if sufficient evidence is produced which indicates assault or other offences. This can also be done for any of your children, who are often witnesses to abuse or survivors themselves.
See more about legal processes and ways to ensure your safety here:
In the event that you do leave the premises in which the perpetrator resides and take the necessary steps to seek support, it is important to consider safety measures before doing so and have a plan, the above link can help you think of ways to do so. Please remember that if a situation is incredibly unsafe and you are fearing for your life, call 000.
SERVICES THAT CAN HELP YOU
These services offer support over the phone and online to people experiencing domestic and family violence and who are past or present survivors of sexual assault. Various resources can be found on these websites complimentary to being able to provide immediate support. Most importantly all advocate for those experiencing or who have experienced abuse and aim to provide support to those in need or in a stage of healing.
If you require a safe place to stay, crisis accommodation can be arranged for you and your children (if applicable) and you will be linked in with a support person. Contact one of the helplines below and they can help assess your situation and provide you with information and the next steps to take.
1800 RESPECT (NATIONAL)
(1800 737 732)
“National Sexual Assault, Family & Domestic Violence Counselling Line”
1300 364 277
“Relationships Australia is a leading provider of relationship support services for individuals, families and communities. They aim to support all people in Australia to achieve positive and respectful relationships. Relationships Australia offers support groups, family and individual counselling, and education on relationships for abusive and abused partners.”
1800 015 188
“Safe steps Family Violence Response Centre is Victoria’s statewide first response service for women, young people and children experiencing family violence.”
1800WESNET (1800 937 638)
“WESNET is a national women’s peak advocacy body which works on behalf of women and children who are experiencing or have experienced domestic or family violence.”
1300 766 491
(24 hours – NSW & Tas / 8am-9pm weekdays & 9am-6pm weekends – all other states)
Live web chat - 8am-9pm weekdays
“An anonymous and confidential telephone service for men. NTV is the peak body for organisations and individuals working with men to end family violence in Victoria and NSW.”
13 11 14
“Lifeline is a national charity providing all Australians experiencing a personal crisis with access to 24-hour crisis support and suicide prevention services.”
CASA (Centre Against Sexual Assault Forum) (VIC)
Sexual Assault Crisis Line: 1800 806 292
1800 RESPECT: 1800 737 732
“The Victorian Centres Against Sexual Assault Forum is committed to addressing all inequalities within society, which result in the perpetration of sexual violence against women, children and men. The Victorian (Australia) Centres Against Sexual Assault (CASAs) are non-profit, government-funded organisations that provide support and intervention to women, children and men who are victim/survivors of sexual assault.”
1300 657 380
"Provides phone and email-based support for adult survivors of childhood trauma and abuse, as well as for their supporters and the professionals who work with them. Available 9 am to 5 pm, seven days a week."
1800 272 831
"The Bravehearts information and support line can be accessed by anyone wanting information or support relating to child sexual assault. Available 8.30 am to 4.30 pm, Monday to Friday."
VICTORIAN RESOURCE CENTRE FOR FAMILY AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
“The Domestic Violence Resource Centre Victoria (DVRCV) is a state-wide specialist family violence organisation. For over 30 years we have been working towards our vision of creating a world in which women and their children are thriving, respected and free from violence.”
HOW CAN WE SUPPORT SURVIVORS OF DV, FV AND SEXUAL ASSAULT?
Acting as a support network for those experiencing or in the process of healing from family and domestic violence or sexual assault is important, as maintaining positive social connections and having a safe person to turn to in difficult times aids in seeking support, encourages the formation of positive and fulfilling bonds and reduces the feeling of isolation.
Being aware of the nature of family and domestic violence and sexual assault and making a conscious effort to provide safe and healing discussions and environments is important when engaging with someone who has dealt with trauma in order to encourage healing and limit the risk of retraumatization. It is important not to force others to disclose something if they are not ready, in the meantime act in an informed and sensitive way and let them know that you are ready when they are.
Seeking support for past or present survivors of family and domestic violence and sexual assault often comes with its challenges, remember that they may not be ready to disclose or seek help. Do not ambush them or tell them constantly to "just leave" or "why aren't you speaking up about it?". Everyone's journey towards recovery looks different, and these words use negative connotations, thus putting the blame onto the survivor, when in reality it is NOT their fault and they should not be discredited or made to seem like their trauma is not real. Instead, perhaps send gentle reminders that they can rely on you to support them and check in on their health and wellbeing regularly.
Establish a codeword or means of communicating in case things escalate. This could be important and necessary when the time comes. Make sure that you are informed about what services to contact on their behalf if necessary and have a plan established.
ENDING NOTE
Healing from trauma and abuse is not something that happens overnight, however we can try to take steps forward in order to start the healing process and stop the cycle of abuse with you. Although we may feel powerless at times to reclaim our lives and admit to the challenges we face, strength is within us always and cannot be reduced by anyone or anything. You deserve to be free and safe, because you are a person of value and your life matters.
COMING SOON: Child Abuse and Responding to Claims of Child Abuse
Sending love always,
~ Herwarcry
AHRC (2018). Everyone’s business: 4th national survey on sexual harassment in Australian workplaces. Retrieved from: https://whiteribbon.org/2Ea7Q6C
Website: Hall and Partners Open Mind. (2015). The Line campaign. Summary of Research Findings. Melbourne: Our Watch. Retrieved from:https://www.ourwatch.org.au/Media-Resources?c=TheLine
White Ribbon Australia. (2017). Workplace Accreditation Pilot Project Baseline Survey.Hall and Partners Open Mind. (2015). The Line campaign. Summary of Research Findings. Melbourne: Our Watch. Retrieved from:https://www.ourwatch.org.au/Media-Resources?c=TheLine
AHRC (2018). Everyone’s business: 4th national survey on sexual harassment in Australian workplaces. Retrieved from: https://whiteribbon.org/2Ea7Q6C
Australian Bureau of Statistics. (2017). Personal Safety Survey 2016. ABS cat. no. 4906.0. Canberra: ABS. Retrieved from:http://www.abs.gov.au/ausstats/abs@.nsf/mf/4906.0
Website: Hall and Partners Open Mind. (2015). The Line campaign. Summary of Research Findings. Melbourne: Our Watch. Retrieved from: https://bit.ly/2Cd1O5c
AHRC (2018). Everyone’s business: 4th national survey on sexual harassment in Australian workplaces. Retrieved from: https://whiteribbon.org/2Ea7Q6C
AHRC (2018). Everyone’s business: 4th national survey on sexual harassment in Australian workplaces. Retrieved from: https://whiteribbon.org/2Ea7Q6C Ayre et al.
(2016). Examination of the burden of disease of intimate partner violence against women in 2011. Sydney: ANROWS. Retrieved fromhttp://bit.ly/2W1LzfVBryant,
W. & Bricknall, S. (2017). Homicide in Australia 2012-2014: National Homicide Monitoring Program report. Canberra: Australian Institute of Criminology. Retrieved from https://aic.gov.au/publications/sr/sr002
Australian Bureau of Statistics. (2017). Personal Safety Survey 2016. ABS cat. no. 4906.0. Canberra: ABS. Retrieved from:http://www.abs.gov.au/ausstats/abs@.nsf/mf/4906.0
Australian Bureau of Statistics. (2017). Personal Safety Survey 2016. ABS cat. no. 4906.0. Canberra: ABS. Retrieved from:http://www.abs.gov.au/ausstats/abs@.nsf/mf/4906.0
Have you experienced or know someone who has experienced family and domestic violence or sexual assault? What are some helpful tips that you can share with others? Please feel free to share in the comments section below :)